The Water in Me

How does it always end up the same? You are as predictable as you let yourself become.

It was written in the stars? No. You wrote it there yourself and decided to let it happen. That’s what happened. You let yourself fail. You became your own worst enemy, you fell from the top and you hit the bottom just like you should have. Just like you should have.

What can be said for yourself? Do not deny yourself what you deserve. You deserve to experience your own hell, the pain of which you had decided for yourself when you became your devil. My devil? Lazy? Overachieving? Lier? Lier. To yourself, to your friends (?), to your love.

You see, good intentions will not get you there. They perhaps might light the fire, they might even fan the flames when you become renewed in your efforts to succeed, but most often they will become the water that douses the wood. You are the water.

The water, you say? I am the water. I am the reason for failure. I am a failure.

Go ahead, wallow. Drown your water self in the self loathing, and pity that seems to always be the final outcome. You lie to yourself, you pretend to try, and then you wonder what happened. Wonder away you “blind” girl. Pretend you don’t know, it will all be easier the next time you begin your chosen path. You chose your own cycle, so why don’t you stick to it? At least I can claim to be good at that, right?

Don’t pretend. Stop pretending. Stop.

What a dream

I am the same. Improve yourself, and live the way you intended. Always become a better person, always hope for a little more. When are you satisfied? Never! How dare you suggest that I should stop trying to become someone else, someone that is respected, loved, wanted.

Who am I then? I am not me – the one with the promising voice, the one with the talents to succeed. How then can I become a dream? By dreaming the vision that will take me to the next level. I will only become myself when I beat down the devil in me.

Who then is that? The one that lies, the one that cries in her sleep, the one that wishes and longs for something better but never acts on her words.

Words. Words are words. I hear them and see them in all their glory but never really see how they can become actions; life.  What a life. What a lie. What a dream.