My Crutch

I have a problem: I am a procrastinator. I wonder why I get this way sometimes. It happens randomly, and when it happens I am totally kicked to the ground; disabled until I finally recognize the symptoms. I am a product of my own making, however, and I recognize that it is all because of my actions. I sit and I wait. I do nothing until the last moment. Then I am overtaken with fear. Shouldn’t it all be different? Shouldn’t I have been able to make it this time? Well, no. Nothing can ever change if action is not taken. You are defeated before you even begin. The problem is, you promise yourself that you will be different but you actually never change.  You never change. You are all talk. You lie to yourself and to others, and then you wonder why you fail.

It sounds like such an arbitrary thing what I am talking about, but I feel that I am not achieving my full potential. Is it a lack of motivation, laziness, or is it just a continuous stream of self sabotage that I carry out every cycle? I am not quite sure. All I know, is that I have done it again. I have skipped 3 days worth of lectures, I completed none of the material from last week, and worst of all (and this is always my wake up call), I have skipped a lab. I have another lab on Thursday, which I have not prepared for yet. Lets hope I do something about it. That’s my problem, isn’t it? I’m hoping I will do something about it. If that’s not a cop out for blame, then I really don’t know what is. I mean, I’m going on as if there is no explanation for my own failure, as if I had no hand in it; it was all up to fate. I feel ridiculous that those words were ever written. How dumb can I be?

Note to self: Just do it now. Don’t wait. Whatever you were planning to carry out tomorrow, do it today.